A Reason To Go On Living
by AnimeAddict4Life
Summary: Scott McCall thought he'd left the drama of Beacon Hills behind him, but all it did was just follow him and bring up things he'd rather just forget. Now he has to deal with an apologetic Stiles, an apathetic Derek and a new romance brewing on the horizon. Past Derek/Scott Derek/Stiles Scott/? Infidelity Suicidal themes
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

Warnings – graphic depictions of suicidal thoughts

Chapter 1 - Six

Scott McCall thought about killing himself.

He didn't think about it daily but once, twice a week the idea found its way into his thoughts.

There was a time when Derek was his saving grace from himself but, as the traitor always said, all good things must come to an end.

* * *

Derek was the light of Scott's life. The tall brooding man understood the deep recesses of Scott's mind, he knew what it felt like to be alone, lonely, to feel abandoned and like you didn't belong, Derek understood.

Scott sighed and looked at Stiles, "You know that we can tell each other anything and neither would tell anyone, right?" Scott asked Stiles, looking his best friend directly in the eyes. The ADHD teen nodded happily and stared back at his friend. Scott took a deep breath and noticed six hickey like marks on Stile's neck then said, "I'm dating Derek Hale." Stiles' eyes widened and he gulped, "Wow," he said unenthusiastically. "I'm happy for you."

The happiness never made it to his eyes.

The tension followed Scott all the way home and the thoughts of suicide raged angrily in the back of his head whispering that he was alone, that even his best friend didn't want him anymore .

* * *

Scott could remember the first cut he made into his skin. He'd used one of the knives from work, a sharp one that would leave a permanent scar. He'd sat in the bath, fingering the sharp metal with the tips of his fingers before he plunged it into his left arm. He took his time carving out his arm, the dark maroon liquid of life spurted out into the bath turning the water a pinkinsh colour.

Worthless.

The word oozed blood from on his arm and for the first time in a week Scott smiled. He had gone over the word six times to prolong the pain. He stared in childish wonder at the bloody word on his arm and his mind reeled back.

"Derek, I haven't seen you since –"Scott stopped his sentence short as his eyes rested on the figures on the bed. Both bodies he could recognise from a mile away, he and Derek hadn't been strangers to the world of sex but the second body, the second body made Scott feel cold, it made him feel...numb.

Stiles was straddling Derek, naked. Bruises and hickeys trailed down his neck and back and Scott had the squish the urge to break out into tears, Derek used to mark him in the exact same way. Stile had a look of absolute horror on his face. Derek looked away from Scott's pain ridden gaze and watched as Stiles hoisted himself off Derek to try and salvage some of the situation but, as he did a wet, squishing noise appeared and pearly white liquid, rolled down his thighs. His eyes widened even more and he traded a look of anguish with Derek.

There was six hickeys on Derek's chest.

In that moment Scott was pretty sure he broke. Every single part of him broke into tiny miniscule pieces, he knew he would never be able to be put back together again, he was broken, useless, worthless. Scott turned and sprinted away, he ignored Stiles shouts of his name and instead concentrated on getting as far away from the Hale mansion as possible.

* * *

By the time Stiles confronted him again he had more words "decorating" his body; Disgusting was carved along his thigh, Pain across his chest, Useless on his right arm, abomination across his stomach.

Scott was thinking of something new to add to his ankle when Stiles walked over to him. It took six steps. The loud, energetic teen hadn't spoken a word to him since the incident. Mentally Scott had dubbed the traitor, no explanation needed.

"Hey Scott" Stiles said as stood next to Scott's desk. The werewolf ignored his ex-bestfriend and instead thought off a new word. Stiles sighed, "I know I'm the last person you wanna see right now but, Derek and I love each other Scott. We were going to tell you but ... I don't know. It was hard. We never wanted to hurt you. When Derek found out I was his mate, we were just drawn to each other, and we love each other."

Scott knew the exact word that was missing from is body, unloved. He brushed past Stiles and made his way home, a knife was calling his name.

* * *

Scott's lucky number had always been six. He always thought it was because he was six when he first met Stiles, or because he was sixteen when he lost his virginity to Derek, whatever the reason his lucky number was six.

After the sixth word had been carved into his body, Scott knew he was ready/ As per usual, Melissa wasn't home, she hadn't been home properly in over a year. She come in, argue with Scott, shower, grab her things and go. It didn't surprise him that she hadn't noticed the blood soaked clothes in the washer, the used bandages in the trash, the hermit her son was turning into, Melissa noticed nothing.

Scott had chosen the perfect death. He'd studied loads of ritual method, drowning, firearms, bleeding to death. Scott hated every one of them, they were too fast, he wanted to prolong the main event, he wanted to feel his life flowing from his body, for once in his life his life he wanted to pretend that someone would save him at the last minute that someone cared.

He waited two hours before he hung the rope, no one called.

He'd missed school that day but no one cared.

He'd missed work but no-one said anything.

Scott had the biggest smile on his face as he hung the noose in the middle of his bed room, he re-opened the wounds he'd so lovingly carved before and they we bleeding sluggishly as he stood naked on his bed, he tightened the noose and looked in the mirror.

He looked the happiest he'd seen in a long time. His eyes were shining, his lips spread into a wide smile, his body bleeding and the noose making an attractive necklace around his neck. Scott silently counted to six before he jumped.

The was a small intake of breath.

A snap.

And a large happy smile.

* * *

Someone obviously never told Dr. Deaton how suicide was supposed to end with – death, namely his.

It took six blinks of his eyes before he could see properly. His eyes focused on a figure in front of him and when he saw Deaton's face he felt the urge to bang his head on a wall. He glanced over to the water and Deaton got the message, he fed Scott to cups before he placed the glass down and took a seat next to the teen wolf.

"Why?" Was all he asked and Scott said nothing before croaking out, " Because."

* * *

Everyone treated him with caution after the suicide scare. Everywhere he looked people were staring and gossiping, pointing when they thought he wasn't looking. Stiles especially he always looked as if he wanted to say something but decided against it. Instead he buried himself in being the "Pack Mom" as Scott had dubbed him.

He'd seen the Pack's and Stiles interaction, even Allison was getting in on the action. They were always laughing, cuddling, doing family stuff together. He's seen them in the supermarket last week as he was buying the book thirteen reasons why. They were arguing and interacting like a family, Derek had an arm swung around Stiles' waist i a careless manner and he was grinning as Erica and Isaac argued over cereal. It took six seconds for Scott to pay for the book and another six for him to walk by the "family" unnoticed and head to his car.

When he was locked away safely from the torment of watching them, Scott took out the knife he always carried with him now and reopened the word, unloved.

* * *

No one thought the "cutter" would graduate. Scott was surprised himself when he graduated with a pretty high GPA. Melissa was waving at him in the crowd but he ignored her and collected his diploma without any fuss. Derek was in the crowd but whenever their eyes met he looked away, Scott shook his head and walked off the stage. Six birds were nesting in the trees as he walked away to his car.

* * *

When he arrived at Stanford University, he didn't expect to see anyone from Beacon Hills, especially not the pack. Scott, however was proven wrong.

He opened the door to his dorm room and brown eyes met hazel eyes. Stiles gave Scott a shaky wave.

It took six seconds before Scott felt the urge to kill himself again.

* * *

review please, i am experimenting with different styles and i'd like to know your thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer - I own nothing

Warnings – Mentions of past suicidal tendencies, graphic mentions of sex

Chapter 2

Scott and Stiles stared at each other in shock for a few minutes until Scott snapped out of it. He picked up his luggage and turned to walk out, "I'm gonna go to administration and ask for a new roommate." He said, without looking at Stiles, Stiles leaped over his boxes and grabbed Scott's shoulder. The werewolf refrained from punching the teen in his face and instead spat out, "What?"

Stiles sighed and said, "Scott you don't have to do that. Can't we at least be civil and live together for a year?" Scott looked Stiles in the eyes and replied, "No." Stiles sighed at leaned against a wall, "The chances of you getting a room change are slim to none Scott. And if you do, won't it be better rooming with me then having to put up with some homophobic self entitled arse?" Scott dropped his luggage and sighed, "You stay away from me and I'll pretend you don't exist, happy?"

Stiles nodded and opened his mouth to say something but Scott just walked past him and ignored his presence. Stiles kicked the door frame in frustration and screamed, before he could unleash his anger on a defenceless plant strong muscular arms circled his waist and a heated kiss was pressed to his neck.

"Hey, calm down. What's crawled up your pants and died?" A deep baritone voice asked between kisses. Stiles sighed and pushed Derek off of him, "Scott's my new roommate." Derek stopped mid kiss and his eyes flashed a million different emotions, "Has he said anything?" Derek asked finally, looking into Stiles' eyes.

The human mate shook his head and bit his lip, "It's like, we weren't friends, like I'm a stranger to his life – I'm not a stranger Derek, I've known him since I was six years old and eating sand for lunch." Derek sighed and gathered Stiles into his arms, "He has changed Stiles, he's not the same Scott, and he'll never be to be honest. He tried to commit suicide, no-one's the same after that." Stiles hummed and nodded. He pulled away from Derek's and planted a kiss on his boyfriend's lips, "I've got to go pick up the rest of the boxes, ok?" Stiles pulled him in for another kiss and breathed in his ear, "Hurry up."

Stiles had a large smile on his face as he floated into the shared apartment, but reality burst the bubble. Scott had wasted no time picking out his room from the apartment, as he loaded into the room Stiles asked tentatively "Scott, do you want some help?"

Silence surrounded them for a few minutes before Scott dropped the box to the floor, without turning around he spoke, his voice filled with barely concealed anger. "Don't you ever talk to me like you know me Stilinski. We are not friends, we will never be friends. I hate you with every fibre of my body and if I didn't have to be sharing an apartment with you, I wouldn't be in the same country as you. You live your life and stay the fuck away from my life Stilinski." Scott's voice never rose above a clear whisper and that made it even more painful for Stiles to hear.

"Sure, Scott." Stiles said after seconds of silence. Scott nodded, he picked up his box and carried on with what he was doing, never looking at Stiles again. Stiles bit his lip and looked around, lost. He gritted his tear and shook his head, he didn't know what to do.

"Hey mom, where should I dump this box?" Jackson asked, holding up a moving box. Stiles didn't reply, Jackson repeated the question but he didn't answer, Jackson dropped the box and stomped over to Stiles, he grabbed his arm and spun him round, "What-" He stopped mid-word, Stiles had crystal tears dripping down his cheeks. He gathered him in his arms and asked, "Are you okay? Stiles you know I didn't mean anything by the mom comment, it's just-"Stiles placed a finger on Jacksons rambling lips and gave him a small sad smile. "It's not that. I just found out that Scott's my new roommate." Jackson's eyes flashed and he snarled, "He hasn't hurt you, has he?" Stiles shook his head and bent down and picked up the box, "Is this the last of it?" he asked and Jackson nodded.

"Um, yeah. I'll tell Derek, Erica and Isaac to come up after they sort the van out." Stiles nodded and with a worried look Jackson left. Stiles sighed again but didn't say anything, he grabbed his phone and googled the nearest Domino's, Copy-N-Paste'd the number, and rang. He ordered for the pack and himself but glanced at Scott's room door. He crept across the room silently and knocked on the door – no answer. He knocked again, harder but Scott didn't reply. He ordered Scott's favourite and hung up.

* * *

Scott hadn't seen the pack since graduation, he liked it like that. The idea of being alone at university allowed him to quell the voice in his head and concentrate on trying to live his life. He still cut over the words now and again, just to feel, but Scott knew it would be sometime before he felt the urge to end is life again.

Well, he thought so until he saw the pack in his living room.

Stiles sent him an apologetic look as he opened the door to the teens spread out all over hic couch and living room. Isaac was sprawled out on the couch, his head between Stiles legs, Jackson commandeered the floor, lying out and taking up all the space next to the couch, Erica was curled up on a recliner and Derek sat next to Stiles, running his hand through his hair. They all sent him a look as he entered the room and curled their noses up in distaste. "God McCall, you reek. What the fuck have you been doing?" Jackson asked, pinching his nose, Scott rolled his eyes and kept walking to his room.

"Where did you go Scott? You didn't reply when I knocked the door." Stiles asked nervously from his spot on the couch. The tension between Scott, Stiles and Derek was very apparent once Scott entered the room. Scott scoffed, "You're not my mother Stilinski, I don't answer to you. Besides I thought I told you to piss off?" Erica snarled at Scott and Stiles bit his lip in worry.

Stiles stood and held up his hands, "Look Scott, I know you don't like me and you have every reason too but can't we be civil? We were best friends." Scott chuckled humourlessly, "Best friends? You weren't acting like a fucking best friend when you acted like a whore and slept with my boyfriend." Derek stood and shook his head, "Scott that's enough. I know you're angry, but if you need to be angry at someone be angry at me, not Stiles."

Scott brushed him off and walked to his room, "You never could keep your hands off things that didn't belong to you." He whispered coldly.

As he opened the door to his room, Erica slammed it close again with her palm. "You had no fucking right to speak to Stiles like that you fucking omega. At least he doesn't smell like a $2 whore." Scott's eyes flashed red and he snarled, "I'm not the fucking whore he is. Besides aren't you the one dressed like a New York city hooker?" Erica moved in deeper into Scott's personal space, "At least men don't have to pay me to have a good time. What's wrong? The little suicidal cutter doesn't really have the sex appeal to get a man? Bummer. Unlike you, I don't have to lie on my back to get a man. Freak."

Scott saw red.

He seized Erica up by her neck and slammed her into the wall next to him. The others sprang up into action and tried to pry Scott away from Erica, he'd ripped a chunk out of her neck by the time they were successful. As she lay in the floor healing Scott looked her dead in the eyes and spoke in a venom filled voice, "Next time you open your fucking mouth around me I'll rip your head off and not even your pathetic excuse for an Alpha," He glared up at Derek from Jackson's hold, " will recognise it when I'm through with it." He spat on Erica and walked into his room, slamming the room behind him.

* * *

That night as he lay soaking in the bath, the word abomination sated back at him. Scott gripped the knife in his arm and stabbed himself repeatedly in the arm.

In, out, in, out, in, out.

The word still stared at Scott with a bloody gaze and something inside Scott broke even further.

* * *

It was a week before Stiles actually saw Scott again. The teen wolf, woke up earlier than him, got dressed and left without him knowing, he came home and went to his room, and besides chance meetings at the fridge they didn't see each other.

Until today.

Stiles jumped when he heard the front door crash open. He stood up and walked into the living room, he was shocked shitless at what he saw.

Scott had his thighs swung around the hips of some random guy as he simultaneously pressed open mouth kissed along his collarbone and tried to remove his shirt. The guy had both hands down Scott's jeans and Stiles could see the outline of his hands where he was squeezing and caressing Scott's arse. The guy was also sucking deeply on Scott's neck and Stiles could swear he thought he saw a glint of pearly white vampire fangs.

"Scott! What the hell are you doing?" Stiles screeched, waving his hands in the air to grab their attention. Scott pulled back and turned to glare at Stiles, "What?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Stiles narrowed his eyes, "You cannot have sex with this guy, you don't know him." Scott smirked and rolled his hips, the guy buckled and grinded in reply, "I know he has a penis and I'm horny. So Stilinski? Piss off." Scott jumped down off the guy and pulled him over to his room, the guy flashed a smile to Stiles as he passed. Stiles glared at Scott as he pulled the man into his room, Scott just smirked and waved before turning around and slamming the door.

Stiles eyes widened after the door shut, he swore within a split second he had seen a tattoo of a wolf howling at the moon spanning the whole of his lower back. A tattoo that mimicked his own mating tattoo from Derek.

Stiles shook his head and grabbed his phone to call Derek, he was just seeing things as usual.


End file.
